9-That voice in your head

four year old me

Ever since I was a little girl I learnt to look and listen. I learnt not to say much. And then one day it all came splurting out. My nephew Samuel was only a little chap when he said to his Mum, “auntie TT talks a lot”. It only dawned on me then, that if a little child notices such a thing, how did I get through life without realising it myself? I was nine years of age, when I had an unpleasant encounter with an old man. From that day onwards I believed that what I had to say was not worth listening to. I wasn’t listened to that day when I ran home to tell what had just happened to me. This was purely the interpretation of a young child. I know now that it wasn’t what was meant. But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened. So what I did after that was to hide. I hid from the real world. I hid from adults. I hid from people who could hear me. I didn’t want to be noticed or heard. I chose a companion who talked over me.

Until, one day I woke up.

That day, I started to hear my own voice. I remember the day so clearly.

I was at work and a colleague was telling us about her awful situation at home. She spoke for about ten minutes and all I could hear was the echo of my life. The rest is a long story but from that day on I began to live differently.

I believe that that day I started to develop a voice that began to come through in my painting.

In March I will tell you a little about my life on a boat.

published February 2023